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Disappointment Can Be A Gift

"Equanimity is not indifference or coldness. It doesn’t mean you don’t love all your children—it means you love all of your children without discrimination."

I have dealt with depression and anxiety throughout my life. When I was younger, I did not know what it was and played it off as a bad day, or weakness of mind. As an emotionally mature Man, I not only SEE my depression, I honor its presence in my life. I flow with it similar to how a Surfer flows while riding a wave- I stay on top of the depression through diligent practice and preparation.

A major part of what helps me stay in flow with depression and anxiety is the concept of Equanimity. Equanimity by Webster's definition means evenness of mind, but its origins are derived from ancient Buddhist teachings. Followers of Buddhism are instructed to cultivate four states of mind known as Brahma-viharas, or the Four Divine Abodes/States of Dwelling. These four pillars are said to be the immeasurables that lead to perfect virtue for a human being.

  1. Metta (loving-kindness)

  2. Karuna (compassion)

  3. Mudita (appreciative joy)

  4. Upekkha (equanimity)

For me, being even minded is to be untethered from outcomes while still being fully present to desire and accountability. My Pop's use to always tell me, "you gotta have a superior state of mind" a mindset that nobody can break or bend, not even yourself. I did not know it as a child, but he was teaching me about equanimity in those words. When we are able to untether and also remain present we enter a state of being that is grounded, deeply rooted, but also able to grow and be malleable. We can have a challenging work day, rough day with child rearing, an unexpected financial expense and STILL consider the day to be a positive one. Not because things went as desired, but because our desires do not always have to result in a specific outcome in order to be valid. In the times where not getting what we desire seems insurmountable equanimity of mind becomes the safe space reality could never be. When I honor the difficulty in my life without making it an anchor I see incredible results. It is in these times that I am in awe to see what my reflections attract back from the Universe. I am reminded that I have everything I need in order to create everything I desire, including the patience of an even mind.

✌🏾 & 🤟🏾


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